Often, the thought of spiritual awakening and finding the "light" comes along with visions of joy and utter bliss. What most neglect to see is that this is only the partial truth, only half of the picture, and usually the only parts of the process that are outwardly shown.
There's also the assumption that as you wake up, it is the end of all difficulty in life. Well, it's not. While it does bring with it the opportunity to be released from suffering, the difficulties only become that much more prevalent. There truly is so much beauty and light that awakening shows us, but it also brings to the surface all of the ugliness, darkness and toxins that we've filled our lives with up to this point.
Despite how rapid your evolutionary trajectory may be, there is no avoiding the intense surges of emotional pain, fear, inadequacy, and extreme confusion. At times during the process, we arrive at a point as if we are stuck on the edge of a cliff rocking back and forth between ‘knowing’ and ‘not knowing.’ Similar to a baby bird perched at the edge of their nest on the verge of spreading their wings, knowing
instinctually that if they take that leap they will fly, but also having the fear of possibly falling to their ultimate demise.
It is this knowing and not knowing synchronously, this space between the two that is keeping us confused and unbalanced. It’s like being stuck in purgatory, bardo, or the intermediate state. The space within a space, the space between breaths. A space where we become stuck, suspended in vast nothingness; a giant question mark. We become uneasy at the thought of being somewhere so new, so different that our instinct is to simply freeze and tread lightly before the next breath is taken, the next step. But, the next step is one of uncertainty. The past is full of broken promises, dreams unfulfilled, and false identities. The future is way too unknown; it feels too precarious to go there.
More often times than not, it takes losing someone you hold close to your heart to project you into this place. Whether that be the death of a loved one, maybe losing someone you planned a future with - a friend you thought would be standing by your side as you married the love of your life, or maybe someone you envisioned the rest of your life with – to pull you headfirst into this feeling of drowning and despair. But in all actuality, it was always just a concept. These thoughts were simply productions of the mind and not the true reality
of your experience.
As we attempt to sort through this pain and heal, we are sometimes faced with the option of allowing ourselves to get sucked right back up into the whirlwind of the past. We let the pain that we have worked so hard to release sneak its way back into our lives and encompass us once again.
You must surrender to the pain, allow yourself to heal, and leave the past exactly where it is, where it belongs. Quit going back to those that hurt you because you feel ‘comfortable,’ or because that’s what your physical mind wants you to do to try to numb the pain, to avoid your growth. You are only taking steps backwards on your journey. Quit being afraid of what your new future, the new you has in store. As you continue resisting your growth, the pain will continue needlessly - emphasis on the needless. There is a difference between the discomfort that we face and the pain that we create.
When you finally release the pain and look away from the past and into the present, you begin to feel differently about the things that you may have originally etched in stone. It’s the things that hurt you beyond belief that result in clarity, wisdom, and a deeper sense of perception. Life is full of discomfort lurking around each and every corner, whether that be losing someone you love, a new job interview, a blind date, or slicing your finger with a knife. Pain is dwelling and constantly thinking about the lost loved one or blaming yourself over and over for slicing your finger with a knife. Beginning to see the difference?
Generally, extreme suffering is the portal to spiritual awakening. The extreme pain experienced can take you to the point of wanting to die in order to end the suffering and the truth of the matter is - you do die. Awakening is a death, a death of the person you once were, the identities of ourselves that we have previously mistaken. Out of this comes a realization of who we truly are and all of the pain that we’ve experienced or inflicted on others comes to the surface to be faced.
As more of our shadows are exposed to the surface for healing, more space becomes available for our true selves to integrate within our present form, though this blade is double edged. Our pure, authentic presence pushes out our remaining shadows and everything that comes along with them - unmercifully at that. So, the more we awaken to our true being, the more shadows will be exposed, and the more pain will be felt.
When we finally decide to let the shadows surface, we are able to find love for them, appreciate all that they have taught us, and finally say our goodbyes and good riddance to the pain they have been holding inside of you. Allow the shadows to act as a temporary catalyst that will propel you into your new self.
Allow yourself to feel the desire for your authentic self, for freedom, for peace, for healing, and allow yourself to surpass your
magnetism to the constructs that hold you prisoner. Enter the void and enter the aloneness. Let yourself be guided towards love.
In order to grow into new skin, you must first shed the old one.
Love & Light,